Fake Clouds Created For 2022 Qatar World Cup

Qatar have developed a new technology creating artificial clouds to provide shade for World Cup 2022. The extreme heat, which reaches highs of 45°C+, has caused real concern amongst the footballing world. Head of FIFA Sepp Blatter has suggested moving the World Cup to winter; disrupting virtually every major competitors usual domestic schedule. The clouds cost $500,000 US to produce and were developed at Qatar University. The lightweight carbon "clouds" which carry a large packet of helium gas can even be moved by a solar-powered remote control.

Incredible.

NEWSFLASH: Lucas might not be sh*t

An insightful table of up-to-date optastats from this Premier League season.

Category	Player/Team	Total
Top Shooter	Nani (Man United)	87
Top Passer	Danny Murphy (Fulham)	1932
Top Tackler	Lucas (Liverpool)	125
Most Dribbles & Runs	Charles N'Zogbia (Wigan)	246
Most Crosses	Matthew Jarvis (Wolves)	290
Most Offsides	Darren Bent (Sunderland/Aston Villa)	49
Most Fouls	Kevin Davies (Bolton)	93

Lucas in the Sky with Diamonds

...and there was me thinking Meireles was the one doing everything. Ignorance is no excuse - I'm sorry Lucas, on behalf of, well, virtually everyone.

On another note, since Kevin Davies joined Bolton in 2003 he has been the Premier League's top fouler 5 out of 7 times, soon to be 6 out of 8. The other two times he came second, to Patrick Vieira and John Carew. Last season he totted up 103 fouls. Second place was Cahill... with 74. Some might say he's a dirty player. I say he just wants to win.

Shakhtar Shake Up? There's about a 2% chance, but it could be enough.

Of course, Barca are overwhelming favourites for Barca v. Shakhtar, and rightly so after the way they've played this season. The question then is: do Shakhtar have any chance at all?

It is all too easy for us in the west of Europe to overlook the quality of a team like Shakhtar. The Ukrainian champions have a good recent history. They won the UEFA Cup in 2009 and are currently dominating the Ukrainian Premyer-Liha. They have a host of starlets at their disposal and experience at the back in their established captain Darijo Srna and full-back Razvan Rat. They have an abundance of Brazilian youth going forward with Douglas Costa, Fernandinho, Willian, Luiz Adriano and Alex Texeira. Their win ratio in this Champions League campaign is 87.5%, beating the likes of Roma, Braga and Arsenal along the way. (Barca's record is 62.5%). 

Arsenal fans will remember Eduardo for a controversial dive and a poor scoring record. Although he didn't do too well for the Gunners, Wenger is a man who knows a talent when he sees one. The Brazilian-born striker seems to have found his feet at Shakhtar, with a series of good displays in the Champions League and on the domestic scene. Eduardo has netted an impressive 19 times in 36 games for Croatia. 

Having said all of this, giant-killing doesn't come often at this stage of the Champions League, and Shakhtar will have to get gritty to get anything out of the tricky first leg at the Nou Camp. 

17 million euro signing Willian told the press: "We have to stay calm. The stadium will be packed, but fear doesn't exist. We are going to acquit ourselves and hit them on the break." Read this quote, then watch the Shakhtar players hilarious reaction to the draw:

The last time they played in 2009, Barca won 1-0 in the Super Cup.

Good News!

New boy to the England set up Kyle Walker scores an absolute screamer in training. More of the same Kyle, please.

How we'll line up vs. the Welsh

4-4-2 for the game against Wales. Sharpe's expected starting line up.

Hart
Johnson
Dawson
Terry
A. Cole
Lennon
Wilshere
Lampard
Milner
Carroll
Rooney

Although I'm still concerned he might pick Barry over Wilshere. Let's hope not.

Ballack in the stands!

This is a video of Michael Ballack, in amongst the Leverkusen faithful, holding a megaphone and leading the chants of 'Scheiss FC Koln!' ('Shit FC Koln!'). It took place during Leverkusen's 2-0 win over Koln at the weekend.

You have to admire his spirit!

The game also included a belter from Swiss international Eren Derdiyok which can be found here

Fellaini to Real Madrid?

Chelsea and Real Madrid want Fellaini. Everton have placed a 25 million price tag on the 23 year-old. Is the Belgian-Moroccan Ebony Shoe Winner 2008 worth it?

"The big clubs can see what a good job Marouane is doing and that is why Chelsea are following him intensively," said Moyes. "In his position he’d get into the starting XI at any big club."

He cost Everton 17 million euros from Standard Liege in the first place. But is the second biggest fouler/second biggest hair cut in the Premier League worth it? 
I think so.

A tribute to the big man.

The Italian Job Centre Plus for Balotelli and De Rossi

(Almost) Legendary goalkeeper, and Italy captain, Gianluigi Buffon, who has missed half of the season with injury, has made one of those statements which does nothing for team spirit or managerial confidence. He has spoken out against squad selection for the upcoming games against Slovenia (Euro 2012 qualifier) and Ukraine. Some of his bolder statements include:

"I wasn't here when they talked about an ethics code in the national team," said Buffon, whilst holding his handbag and making a wooOOoo sound (probably). I think most fans will agree that ethics in sport is not a bad thing, Luigi. But we are talking about a man who was at the very heart of the Juve match-fixing scandal(s)...allegedly.

"I'm sorry we have to do without two important players like Daniele and Mario, especially De Rossi who is fundamental in international games. I don't know if I would have pardoned them."

De Rossi is serving a three-match Champions League ban (starting next season, because they went out to Shakhtar), for elbowing Darijo Srna. Balotelli got City kicked out of the Europe League for the most unnecessary kung fu kick since Brian Jackson on the Generation Game, circa 1997.

Italian "stars" thinking they are bigger than the coach. Nothing new there then.

PS. Juve fans will also be shitting a brick as Buffon refused to commit his future to the club: "It's useless to talk now about the transfer market and my wish to stay. There are more important things, we have to concentrate on the league." I suspect he was just in a bad mood this morning. Maybe he lost his snood.

"I like my snood. I look so pretty and it makes my neck warm. One thumbs up."

Jarvis and Walker make the cut for England

Fabio has announced his 26-man squad to face Wales in the Euro 2012 qualifier as well as a friendly against Ghana on 29th March at Wembley (tickets still available). Out through injury are Walcott and Adam Johnson. That paves the way for Matt Jarvis to finally pop his cherry at international level. He has been in a few provisional squads this season already, but never quite made the final cut. The 24 year-old has been in sharp form all season. If he gets any time on the pitch, he becomes the first Wolves player to play for England since Stevey Bull (MBE !) won his final cap in 1990.  This is quite astonishing. One of the founding 12 English League teams, who have played in three Premier League seasons, have never had an England international since the Premier League began. Even John de Wolf notched up a few caps for Holland back in the 90s. Also noteworthy that Kyle Walker, on loan at Villa from Spurs, is included in the squad once again. Fabio has taken a shine to the 20 year-old full-back, despite his relative lack of Premier League football (6 apps Villa, 3 apps Spurs).

£35million Liverpool man Andy Carroll is back for another crack after a very impressive debut against France earlier this year, and Scott Parker gets another much deserved chance (although, I'm sure we all have doubts as to whether he will play, as usual). Jagielka and Gary Cahill make the cut. So too does Rob Green, although after impressive displays of late from all three English keepers, it's unlikely he will feature as anything more than third choice. 

Andy Carroll. I for one am very pleased he dropped the cornrows.

The Full Squad:

Goalkeepers: Ben Foster, Robert Green, Joe Hart.

Defenders: Leighton Baines, Gary Cahill, Ashley Cole, Michael Dawson, Phil Jagielka, Glen Johnson, Joleon Lescott, John Terry, Kyle Walker.

Midfielders: Gareth Barry, Stewart Downing, Matthew Jarvis, Frank Lampard, Aaron Lennon, James Milner, Scott Parker, Jack Wilshere, Ashley Young.

Forwards: Darren Bent, Andy Carroll, Peter Crouch, Jermain Defoe, Wayne Rooney.

Sideshow Luiz strikes again

After impressive displays against Fulham, United and City, could Sideshow Luiz be the next JT - he seems to be piping up with enough goals? Signing of the summer-january transfer windows? (Odemwingie, Suarez and Chicharito fans might think otherwise). Thoughts on the comments page please.

Die. Bart. Die. (If you understand this reference, you're as childish as I am. That's something to be ashamed of by the way.)

Commitment.

This has been described as "one of the funniest moments ever had in a fan shop". This is a man, wearing the current FC Koln shirt; an FC Koln scarf; full FC Koln dungarees; holding his FC Koln beret in his hands, queueing to purchase more FC Koln merchandise.

I fear for the day when this man is exposed to BidUp.tv.

The photo was taken post-match a few weeks back. It was a good game for all those interested (vs. Freiburg), and the FC Koln support is some of the best I have seen on the continent. I was pleased to see Podolski score an absolute corker in the last minute.

Is Gareth Bale the meaning of life?

You probably know of Gareth Bale by now, unless you've been living with Kim Jong-Il, had a stint as the Mayor of Whoville or spent the winter with the Clangers. Everybody loves him. He's like Everybody loves Raymond, except in no way associated with Brad Garrett.

Fabio reckons he's the bees knees: "Bale reminds me of Roberto Carlos, who was born a left-back and who matured physically and in terms of tactical awareness. Carlos was an explosive player and the only one who came even close to Bale." Big words from the England gaffer. Stating in no uncertain terms that one of the greatest players to ever grace the earth, with 125 appearances, a World Cup and 2 Copa Americas with Brazil, as well as being a former UEFA Defender of the Year, holding 2 FIFA World Cup Team of the Tournaments Awards, and 3 Champions League Winners Medals at club level, combined with a reputation to rival that of any defender in existence, is "the only one who came even close to Bale." And you should see some of the nonsense going on in the Italian press. If you were so-inclined to believe the hype, this man could solve world poverty whilst running rings round Franco Baresi. One newspaper compared him to, of all people, Steve Ovett (Is that even a compliment?). To put this in perspective (and ignoring the Steve Ovett comments), Gareth Bale has 27 appearances for Wales, an outstanding half-season or so under his belt and has had a couple of really good games against Inter. But that is all.

Bale, who has just signed a new four-year contract with Totting-ham, has been described by 'Arry as a one of the best left-siders in the game. This view is modest compared to some of the audacious comments made by some of the most respected names in world football. The backlash is coming, and when Bale's form drops, and it will drop, every cynical onlooker out there will have their laverbread and eat it. When you do over Maicon in the Champions League in front of the treble-winning titleholders, you deserve a bit of respect. But it has gone beyond that. Respect is when you shake somebody's hand after a tennis match, or washing grapes before you give them to a mate. Respect isn't shagging Sue Barker up the arse because she offered you an Opal Fruit.

It has now become a burden. When your name is being banded around in the same category as Roberto Carlos at the age of 21, the only way is down. The question now is: what to believe? The hype, or the antihype?

After months of toying over this question, I'm coming to the ridiculous conclusion that I spent so much of my time trying to reason against. Providing he keeps his fitness, and that is a big BIG ask of a man who runs at that speed and has quite flaily (is that a word?) limbs, he might very well go on to be one of the greatest players in the world over the next few seasons. BUT, and it's a big BUT, I suspect very strongly that he will peak at 22-23, and it'll be a steady decline into good-but-not-as-good-as-he-was-against-Maicon-relative-world-stage-obscurity from then on in. Running at that speed, and flailing so flailily whilst getting battered by the Marouane Fellaini's of this world makes for a short career. Think van Basten. He already suffers with dodgy legs, and that will only get worse.

In the meantime, whilst Gaz is at the top of his game, I hope he does end up sorting out the budget deficit, acts forcefully as the chairwoman of PETA and manages to overthrow Colonel Gaddafi. That's what's expected of the boy now. And if he doesn't achieve it, everyone is going to know about it.

Anywho, the pressure could be worse. Imagine if he was English, and less talented, and thought that a whorehouse was an acceptable way to spend every other Tuesday brunchtime. Go and watch Lorraine Kelly guest starring on Loose Women like a norming human being, you senseless twats.

For a cheeky reminder of what Bale did to Maicon, have a watch of this excellently crafted video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRZMjHzWXQc